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Ozland. Ozland? That didn't make sense. What had happened to Wonderland?
Hatter preferred Wonderland. It implied that things were wonderful. A wonder. Full of wonder, no less. In the whole land. What was Oz? Oztastic? Oztacular? Ozful? Hatter shuddered at the thought of being "full of oz". It didn't seem like something pleasant.
Ozland. Ozzzzzland. Hatter tried saying it aloud, but kept losing himself in the 'z' sound, thinking he was a bumble bee. After a short but embarrassing encounter with a patch of daisies, he gave up. His nose was covered in pollen anyway. It was itchy.
Without consulting his brain, his feet decided to go for a walk. Of course his brain was occupied in other matters (like trying to warn his fellow bees from the ornery daisy), so Hatter was pulled along in the action. When his eyes caught up and consulted with his memory, they established that the feet were bloody terrible navigators who had gotten the lot of them terribly lost.
He couldn't recognize anything. This should have been the road into town, by way of the Duchess' house, but instead, Hatter could see a city in the distance - one shining and green. The road under his feet was laid out in yellow brick.
He wondered for a few moments about that, and how the brick stayed yellow even after his dirty boots had traipsed across them. But then a figure - a human-shaped one at that! - was nearby, and Hatter jumped to attention.
"Excuse me!" he said. "Someone changed the scenery and stole my proper road. Where is the local law enforcement?"
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Hatter nibbled at his lower lip. "Fermented, do you think?" he asked. "Some of these types might oxidize well. Between the rolling and the firing. But not many leaves are tolerant enough for black tea. And the non-fermented teas use usually a bit sweeter, but if they don't work it just right, the oxidation process can sap away all the flavor."
Hatter was wringing his hat in his hands. "Then again, you could just dry out the leaves and skip the rolling. Turns them a bit yellow, but preserves more of the flavor. Also, if you find the right buds, you can pick and dry them directly. There's not many leaves you can do that with, but when you find the right ones..." He licked his lips. "Mmm. Divine."
He looked from one side of the road to the other. "You ought to try it," Hatter commented. "There are teas for every mood, every time of day, ever type of weather, every reason. Before my clock broke, I could tell the time by what tea was right for the air temperature."
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Hatter hesitated, took a few steps, jumped back, and then started to follow. Within a few moments, he grew bored (a record for him!) and started darting in and out of the trees that lined their walk, rolling in the grasses. A simple beat escaped him - something he had heard while on his travels in that... other world... that seemed fitting.
"Dun dun, ba-DUN, dun dun, da-dum. Doo doo dooooo, doo doo doooo, doo doo doooo, da dum!"
Oh! A butterfly!
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The butterfly had fluttered out of reach when Knave approached. Bollocks. Hatter could have used more butter for his scones.
Hatter reached under his hat and withdrew a net. With a look of concentration, he swung it at the butterfly, and would have caught it had it not been so warm out. The netting passed through the warm butter, and the winged stick of butter fluttered away for it's life.
Hatter was just starting to pout when Knave reminded him of the magic word. "Oh! Tea!" He snapped smartly to attention, but then stared at the shining city, eyes wide. Oh no. How was he going to stay focused with all the shiny new things all over the place?
"Tea," he said again. "That's how. Tea. Lovely tea. Black tea, red tea, green tea, not like Christmas tea, Christmas tea is black tea with peppermint, oolong tea and herbal tea, and new teas to try! Where is the new tea? I can smell it!"
Indeed he could. The scent of it was slight, but Hatter could have accurately guessed every flavor that was assaulting his nostrils, amid the scent of people and horses and cloth and meat and fruit and everything else so apparent in this shiny green city.
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Hatter had stopped paying attention again. He'd spotted a horse. Not just any horse. This horse was green. Perfectly green, from the tip of its nose to the tip of its tail. Shamrock green. He stopped in the middle of the road, staring, as the horse and buggy passed across his field of vision, and out of sight down a different road.
Um. Okay. That was worth seeing again.
Hatter started walking in that direction, hurrying a bit to catch up with the buggy, and wasn't watching where he was going. He found himself lying on his arm, one leg in the air, with a short man in a brilliant blue suit under his other leg.
"Hey, watch it!" said the Munchkin.
Hatter blinked. "I was trying to!" he said, attempting to disentangle himself from the man's coat, which for some reason was embroidered with large, colorful lollipops. "Why'd you get stuck to my leg?!"
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"Whaddaya mean, stuck?" said the Munchkin, extracting himself from the Hatter's legs and standing up, hands on his hips. "You makin' fun of my lollipops?"
Hatter was still on the ground, holding himself up with one arm, and was amazed that he was eye-level with the man. He furrowed his brow, immediately forgot what the man was yelling about, and said, "Wow. You should try the other side of the mushroom for a while."
The munchkin looked confused. "Huh?"
Hatter nodded. "Other side. You probably weren't eating it, or you'd be smaller. Did you smoke it?" Smoking it might cause that sort of effect.
"Smoking mushrooms?" The munchkin looked horrified. "What's wrong with you?"
Hatter considered this question carefully. He was quiet long enough that the munchkin was looking uncomfortable. Then he took a deep breath. "My footprints have stolen my way, a mouse has run off with all the brooms, I'm terribly lost, I've been made a slave to the most beautiful and wicked tea murderess in all of Wonder-- Ozland, I lost the horse, the dust kitties will never be in order if I don't get home, I haven't had a cup of tea in two hours, thirteen minutes, and thirty-seven seconds, I think I have scuffed my pants... and mercury poisoning."
Silence descended on the street. Plenty of residents of the Emerald City had stopped to see the proceedings, but no one seemed to know what to say to all this. Least of all, the munchkin. Afer a moment, he adjusted his vest, shuffled his feet, and said, "Watch where you're going next time," before turning and walking off.
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